Five Stages
by figleaf
Summary: This is the story of how a man, Ian Hecox had to deal with the sudden realization one day that his best friend suddenly became the object of his affection.The only problem is he's now in for a whole roller coaster of emotions in his future. Ianthony. Teen-Modern Day Smosh.
1. Prologue

Ian Hecox had fully convinced himself he was crazy. There was no longer any denying it. He truly believed he was 100% insane.

It was the only explanation for what his mind had for years been trying to convince him and finally once and for all accepted; that he was in love with Anthony Padilla.

His best friend.

_A man._

How did this happen? He asked himself this question every day since the reality of it all finally sank in, pacing and shoving stray thoughts to the back of his mind. It was almost too much for his brain to process!

But how did the poor, confused and frustrated man reach this point and how did he overcome this shocking realization?

_Has _he overcome it? So many questions nestled in the back of his mind about this peculiar subject.

It's probably best to start from the beginning. No, not his birth or his first day of school, not even the first day he met his future video partner who with their cheesy but iconic parody ideas and old video camera created a global internet empire that helped shape our perception of comedy today.

None of that silliness. I'm talking of course of the day young Ian Hecox first realized he was in love with Anthony Padilla.

Ian slammed the stall closed so hard he almost thought it would break off its hinges. Hair ruffled and messy, sweat beaded down to his chin as his failing lungs gasped for air. His fumbling hands dug into the pocket in his shorts, digging out the only thing that saved him from one of these horrid nightmarish episodes. His body quavered and he slunk down in the stall, thankful no one else was in the boys restroom this time to catch him in such a weak and pathetic state, even if locked within the protective boundaries of the pale ivory colored stalls. His wide blue eyes looked down only for a split second as they correctly positioned the rectangular shaped object in his hand before shoving the front end in his mouth.

A hiss echoed amongst the walls of the bathroom loudly due to being the only person inside making any noise. Ian let out a sigh of relief and shut his eyes. He didn't care that the toilet he was leaning his arm against was probably germ infested to no ends; all he had now was pure relief from his suffering and just utter contentment. He let the inhaler slip from his weakened grasp and allowed it to slide to the outer part of the stall. _I'll get it in a sec_ he lazily thought, still trying to cope recovering from another damn asthma attack. He absolutely detested using his inhaler in front of his teammates. It made him feel weak and inferior. Really, it didn't matter if he always won the gold Ian Hecox had an image to maintain. He wasn't about to let some goddamn asthma get in the way of his dream.

Ian's oceanic eyes fell onto the plastic device just a foot away outside the stall and stared in silence, listening only to his breathing and rapid heart-rate. His eyelids fell once again as the quiet hum of fluorescent lights somehow began calming his nerves. Then out of nowhere and awakening his senses he heard it.

_Tap. Tap. Tap. _

His eyes shot open and caught a small glimpse of a pair of feet approaching from under the stall. Ian lay sprawled on the floor, his arm resting still on the front of the toilet seat and he watched as the feet walked up to the door where he was, a hairy slightly tan skinned arm reaching down and taking hold of the inhaler, bringing it up out of view.

"Ian?" The walls echoed suddenly loudly. "Dude..."

Ian saw the door shake and heard its shaker sigh when it didn't budge. Ian pressed his hands on the wall and toilet and hoisted himself up, turning the lock, slowly and wordlessly revealing himself to the figure ahead.

"You gotta stop doing this to yourself, man," the boy in his late teens pled. The taller teen wore a loose tan t-shirt and a pair of faded patchy jeans along with some beat-up black and white Converse. Ian noticed the long dark hair almost matting down on his face with sweat and a look of distress on his naturally pink flushed cheeks. His dark brown eyes held an even deeper sense of worry than his body language led on, brows upturned in relief he found his friend yet still holding a bit of anxiety at the state he was in. Ian carefully studied his face then turned to instead look at the object he held in his right hand; the object that was in his mouth mere seconds ago.

"I know, Anthony..." he grumbled running his sweaty hand through his thick hair. "I just don't want the other guys... well, you know," he answered meeting his eyes again. Anthony knew all too well, but still, Ian's decision had always frustrated him to no end. Ian held out his hand, prompting him to return his inhaler. Anthony almost obliged but quickly changed his mind and held it up with a stern look. "What if you'd lost this? What if you ran to the bathroom while having an attack and you couldn't find this?" Anthony raised his voice trying to get his point across. Ian balled his outstretched hand into a fist and brought it back to his side. "Then I'd just get you..." he muttered not meeting his eyes.

"But what if I'm not there?! I can't make it to all your track meets, dude! What then? You collapse in the bathroom and nobody knows where you are! Even if they find you, they don't know what's going on! Ian...!" he sighed, frustrated that be allowed his emotions to overcome him and take it out on his best friend. "Ian," he mumbled again, his voice a lower octave than it was a mere second ago. His eyes fell to the tiled floor then back up to the asthmatic runner's blue eyes. They both remained quiet for a minute as all that was said sunk into Ian's head. His ears were still ringing from the yelling a few moments ago.

Anthony finally handed him back his inhaler and leaned against the stall, tapping his index finger on the wall momentarily. "I just don't want anything to happen to you, okay?" He admitted at last in a low voice. Ian felt a hand go up and pat him hesitantly on the shoulder. "Fuck, man. You're my best friend. I-I wouldn't know what to do without-" Anthony trailed off mid-sentence, turning down to the floor again trying to hide his reddening face. His hand slid off Ian's shoulder and he brought it up against his chest.

Ian wasn't sure what else to do in this situation so he wrapped himself around Anthony, pulling him into an awkward embrace. They rarely touched except when rough housing or the occasional quick hug that lasted two seconds but Ian felt the need to hold on for longer. Within that fraction of a moment as he embraced his best friend however so many thoughts filled his head mixed with overpowering emotions he had never felt before from within himself. It almost alarmed him but he began to allow himself to cautiously explore these newfound emotions from within momentarily. He felt guilty for unknowingly putting Anthony through this and Anthony just went with his wishes because well, he was his friend and that's what friends do, right? Try to keep each other happy.

In truth however Ian had come to realize he wasn't happy. He had allowed himself to continue these hidden sessions in the bathroom out of fear of being ridiculed by his teammates letting only Anthony in the loop but at what cost? Anthony must have been worrying about him all this time, even more so when he couldn't make it to Ian's track meets. Ian finally saw what he had been doing to Anthony and felt horrible. Anthony was just looking out for him and making sure he was safe and Ian had let his pride get the better of him. It didn't even occur to him until now that if he didn't recover from an incident that he'd be royally screwed without Anthony's help or anyone's help for that matter but he was pinning it all on him and only him.

_How did I not see this?!_

Ian held onto him tighter, wrapping his arms around Anthony's back and breathing in his scent. Anthony had held himself in a constricted huddle but finally allowed his arms to move around Ian as well and the two teens held each other in a real embrace for the first time in their lives.

"Anthony, I'm sorry I put you through all my bullcrap," Ian mumbled into his shoulder. "I should've been more damn considerate." Ian felt not just the warmth of the taller boy held against his chest but a warmth inside that felt so fulfilling and so comforting. He never wanted to let go of this amazing feeling; never wanted it to end.

Anthony had released him and stood in front of him with the warmest most sincere smile on his chocolate eyed rosy cheeked face Ian had ever seen. It was familiar and homely. Ian felt a tumbling feeling inside him as Anthony smiled at him. A radiant heat building its way rapidly to his face and coursing throughout his body.

_W-what is this...?_ He thought as the feeling began to alarm him, making itself known as it invaded his thin pale frame.

Anthony's smile slowly faded into a growing look of concern. "I-Ian? Are you okay? Are you having another attack?"

Ian's flushed face and rapid heart rate began to confuse and alarm him. It didn't feel anything like another attack. This was much different. "I, uh," he stuttered. Anthony loosened his arms allowing Ian some breathing space but he didn't at all expect what was about to happen next.

"I... havetogo!" Ian quickly pulled out completely from Anthony's space and sprinted outside the bathroom as fast as he possibly could, (which was pretty fast for a gold medalist such as himself) not looking back at the befuddled Anthony who raced out after him and stood in the grassy field, or his teammates who hadn't even noticed he was gone.

Ian hid on the side of the building against the wall gasping and taking one more puff from his inhaler just in case. His heart raced madly as though he had run around the entire school ten times without slowing down and his normally pale skin was hot and flushing a deep crimson red. He looked around and upon seeing there was no one nearby he leaned his back along the wall and slid downward to the ground resting his elbows on his knees as he ran a hand through his sweat dampened fringe. _What the hell's wrong with me_ he asked himself an infinite number of times as he tried catching what little breath he could.

He ruled out another attack. This was much different from that.

He felt hot but didn't have a fever. At least he thought he didn't.

He had plenty of fluids before he even had that initial attack so he wasn't on the verge of dehydration plus he had lunch so he ruled out hunger too.

What else was left? He didn't know. He sat with his eyes shut momentarily, hoping to calm down from... whatever was happening to him.

"Iiiiian!"

He heard his name being called out in the distance by a very familiar voice and the symptoms returned once more with more force. That voice...

"Ian! Come on man! Where are you?"

Churning stomach. Dizziness. Flushed face. Light headedness. All of it so familiar and yet he couldn't-

Wait.

He remembered these feelings. Old buried feelings that he thought he'd never feel again.

_Ellen Thompson on the swings in elementary school.  
_

"Ian?"__

Mandy Peterson slipping him notes during class in middle school.  


"Hey! Hecox!"

_Penny Jenkins giving him his first kiss.  
_

"Oh my god! There you are Ian! What the fuck, man? Are you okay?"

Ian looked up and saw him.

Anthony Padilla standing above him. His body cast a shadow over him on the wall as he stood in the light of the hot California sun creating a silhouette of a boy mere inches taller than he. A radiance surrounded his shadowed form as light streaks burst from all around him. Ian almost needed to shield his eyes from the intense vibrancy but he didn't move. He stared in sudden shock as the one single thought that he never _ever_ in his entire sixteen years on this planet thought would ever dare cross his mind now presented itself right in front of own eyes and in that moment of clarity he knew.

It was the moment Ian Hecox knew he was in love.


	2. Denial

It was a pretty tough pill to swallow.

Ian didn't even bother trying.

**Chapter 1: Denial**

Ian scratched his head with his pencil as his pale blue eyes glared down at his textbook. He then glanced over to his assignment and realized he hadn't even finished the first sentence on number one. "God, I frickin' hate word problems," he muttered, flipping his pencil around and erasing the sentence he spend twenty minutes working on for the third time. He looked over to the clock on his nightstand. _Four forty-five. Not as late as I thought. _His thoughts were drifting to and fro when he suddenly found himself wondering what Anthony was up to.

He envisioned Anthony at his computer listening to some sweet ass music he downloaded from Napster while playing a round of Halo and chugging Mt. Dew. He wished he were with him hanging out too. Ian fondly recalled coming over to Anthony's house in the evenings, ordering pizza and watching movies for a while because his mother didn't want to fuss with dinner sometimes. It was really nice, too. Anthony's mom loved having him over so he didn't think calling him up for a sleepover would be such a bad idea. They haven't had one in a few weeks so of course Anthony would agree to one! Ian scooted himself off the messy bed and searched around his room for his flip phone but couldn't find it anywhere. _Dammit, I'll have to use the house phone,_ he silently cursed in defeat as he walked out into the living room where his mother was folding the linens.  
"Hey mom, I'm gonna stay at Anthony's tonight," he casually mentioned as he made his way toward the home phone to call him. "Is Anthony's mother okay with that?" She asked in her usual concerned motherly way. Ian's mother always asked him the same question and the answer was always "yes" but he always ended up asking Anthony's mother's permission anyway because he was raised to be somewhat respectful to adults, despite his occasional troublesome attitude when he didn't think her rules were fair. "I was just gonna call right now so Anthony could ask her," he answered back, picking up the receiver and dialing Anthony's number. Ian's mother nodded and continued to fold the sheets and place them in the laundry basket glancing up at her son as he dialed Anthony's number.

He let his mind wander as he listened to the ringing on the other end of the receiver. Ian thought about class the other day as he waited, the stupid homework, the track practice...

His mind drifted back to that dreadful asthma attack as he struggled to find that damn little piece of plastic and metal that he couldn't survive without when such an attack struck. It was painful and humiliating having to run off from practice just to breathe easier but he knew it would be even more demeaning if the team saw their star player in such a weakened terrible state. Anthony always told him he shouldn't care what others thought of him and letting his cross country team know he has asthma wasn't really that big of a deal. He didn't believe it though but he would always sigh a "Yeah..." then return to his normal secretive behavior the next meet.

Anthony always tried cheering him up one way or another. It was that really admirable quality of his that made him glad they were close enough friends enough to confide in each other at times. Sure, there was Andy, Jake, and Floyd to hang out with too, but Anthony was different. Anthony had this kind of allure to him, this infectiously warm smile that always made him smile too, no matter how bad everything seemed. He couldn't remember having a best friend as close as he was and he regretted that they didn't try becoming closer friends during middle school. Ian remembered how they would talk and hang out a bit after they met in the sixth grade as part of the group but nothing really transpired until high school when Ian's parents finally told him he needed to either start paying rent or move out. His mother, of course, was the more lenient one but his dad didn't want Ian to be spending all his time on the computer while fiddling around with that damn camera of his. So he was stuck with the dilemma most teenage boys his age were in: No money, no job, and definitely no car.

_"How the hell am I supposed to get a job if I don't have a car to drive there? I need money for a car but I need a job to get money but I need a car to go to a job?!"_ His head swam in circles as he pondered the dilemma for weeks.

It was when he explained, or rather complained, to the group of this dilemma that he found none of them to be helpful at all, not even in the slightest.

Except Anthony. He was the only one who didn't just offer advice but actually offered to drive him around so he could find a job and save for his first car in exchange for lunch (which came easy as they loved pizza and Ian found a job at a pizzeria) and a few rounds of Halo which quickly turned into late nights where Ian had to phone his mom asking if he could stay over since it was "already late" and he "might as well." He loved that excuse the most. Hanging out with Anthony just felt so natural and was so fun. Plus he knew exactly how to make him laugh. It was like a special talent of his. It happened so often yet Ian was always proud of every moment he was able to get even the slightest curve on Anthony's lips going. And Anthony, well, Anthony somehow had his own power over Ian. Ever since he stepped up and filled the void Ian never knew he had, Anthony had his own special way of showing he wasn't just another one of his "bros". He listened to his problems and began confiding in him, building a trust between them that he didn't share with any of his other friends. He didn't find excuses or blow him off after making plans and he kept his word when he could.

_"Yes,"_ Ian thought to himself one day, _"This is what a friendship is supposed to be like."  
_  
It was like discovering another piece of yourself; one that fit perfectly into your existence and made you rediscover what you thought you had lost, but really never had. Anthony was that piece. Everything from his laugh that he thought was annoying (Ian liked it but never told him), to the pressed little indents on his cheekbones that showed where his dimples were on his constantly flushed face (he claimed he can't help that his cheeks are always red, which was kind of adorable.) All the way to his sarcastic yet loving personality. Everything he did gave Ian a sense of appreciation and amenity.

Just like on that day when Anthony's warm, tender smile was directed towards him in the school bathroom as they held each other closely. One could almost say..._intimately_ perhaps. Never before had he felt so secure, so warm and happy in his arms.

"Anthony..."

Almost immediately he felt blood coursing up to his face and he began to heat up, remembering that warm secure feeling he felt as he pressed himself against his worried friend that warm, faithful spring day. He remembered inhaling the deep rich scent of his Polo Black cologne as Anthony's warm hands gently pressed Ian closer. Almost as quickly as he began to drift back into a plethora of enticingly comforting emotions however he suddenly grew startled at his own _unnatural _thoughts and quickly halted them.

_Whoa! The fuck...?_ He scolded himself trying his hardest to shake off the now aggravating thoughts. He bit his lip and tried to fight off the heat rushing to his face. "No, no, no, no, no…" he whispered to his brain for thinking such a thing. "Stop it!"

He must have been feeling the beginning symptoms of a heat stroke. That _had_ to be the most logical explanation for his behavior that day! He finally found an answer that convincingly satisfied his troubled mind but before he could fully relax though the ringing on the other end abruptly came to a halt and he heard a soft familiar male voice on the other end of the line.

"Hello?"

One simple word from the older of the two was all it took to break down his barricaded defenses and snap him back into reality. _Shit! I forgot I was on the phone with Anthony!_

"Uh... h-hey Anthony," he stuttered then cursed himself momentarily.

"Hey dude! What's up?" The sudden cheerful rise in Anthony's voice when he realized he was talking to Ian gave him that strange sense of contentment that he felt before again and he couldn't focus very well. "Oh, I'm just chilling at home trying to finish my English homework. You?" Anthony scoffed. "Pfft! I finished that crap hours ago! You should come over if you need help with it. Come on. We can play Halo afterward!" Ian grinned widely. "What the fuck, dude! It's like you can read my mind or something! Can you ask your mom if I can stay the night?" He heard Anthony cover the speaker and yell "Ma! Can Ian stay the night?" Ian continued beaming. "She said yes! Get your scrawny ass over here, dickstick!" Ian laughed. "Alright, see you in a few." He heard a "Later" from the phone before hanging up and smiled, letting the sound of Anthony's voice ring in his ears for a few moments.

"Do you always do that when you get off the phone with Anthony?"

Ian jumped and remembered he wasn't alone in the room. "Fuck mom! I forgot you were here!" Ian's mom smiled and shook her head. _Oh god this is so embarrassing_ he thought as his face turned red and ducked out of the room. "She said yes. I'm going to Anthony's. Bye mom!" Ian quickly yelled rushing to his room to pack his things.

He was going to Anthony's house and was really excited about, but NOT because he had any feelings or whatever for him. Hell no. He strictly only felt friendship. Always had, always will.

Right?


	3. Anger

Denial can sometimes eat away at a person, making them turn away from the truth in anger.

Ian wasn't angry at Anthony. He was angry at his brain for betraying him. All these years of telling him women are what he should be seeking. Their nice slender fames with curves that drive men wild. Their supple skin and full luscious lips that seem to want to be kissed. All the way to their round, full bosoms that yearn to be touched. It wasn't like Ian was no longer aroused by them anymore. He just didn't understand why he suddenly felt these familiar feelings once reserved for the opposite sex towards Anthony now and the idea scared and confused him because he no longer felt in control of his own emotions.

And not having any control over his own mind is what really pissed Ian Hecox off.

* * *

**Chapter 2: Anger**

A school year had passed since that awkward incident in the bathroom. Ian wished he could say he'd forgotten about it completely but every once in a while when he would be hanging out with Anthony, the feelings would come flooding back, like some rampantly annoying reminder that said "oh by the way, you're gay for Anthony" when he least expected it and each time he would try to block out the feelings and scold his brain for thinking such things, especially when Anthony was so nearby when it happened. By now he had quit Cross Country despite his teammate's and parent's wishes because he wanted to focus more on making videos and working to pay for equipment. He was also feeling really apprehensive about what he wanted to do after high school because of all the pressure his parents and the school councilor were giving him. His mailbox was already flooding with college pamphlets that frequently misspelled his name, practically begging him to apply to their school, but he just carelessly tossed them in the garbage, only to find a short time later that his mother had fished them out and strewn them on his bed.

"What are you doing with your life, son?" his father suddenly asked when he and Anthony were in the middle of filming a video in the living room. Ian was caught off guard by the question and Anthony sat back silently, not wanting to interfere.

"Dad, can we not do this right now? Anthony's here," he whispered a little harshly to his father. His father looked over Ian's shoulder to Anthony and shrugged.

"So? What difference does that make? In fact, Anthony! What are your plans after high school?"

Ian sighed in frustration and turned his eyes downward, feeling pretty terrible that Anthony had somehow gotten roped into another soon-to-be argument about his future. This is pretty much how they always started.

Anthony moved his arms to his sides and cleared his throat nervously. "Well um, I guess I want to try to get a career in web development and hopefully make a name for myself."

Ian's father looked impressed and nodded seemingly pleased with his answer. "That's good. That's good. Ya hear that Ian? Your friend's got some big plans lined up for his future." He turned to look at his exasperate son clutching his camera in hand, then back to Anthony. "Got any colleges in mind?"

"A few, yeah," Anthony answered back hesitantly, noticing Ian's discomfort on the subject.

"Wonderful! Your parents must be so proud of you," he laughed, even though none of the two teens laughed with him. He turned once again to his son who was already braced for what came next as it always did. "You should be taking notes from this kid, Ian. He's planning a real future for himself, not some dead-end video shenanigan thing like you are."

"Dad, can we _please_ talk about this later? Anthony and I are busy," Ian argued feeling he needed to step up in front of his friend.

His father's eyes went from false cheeriness and narrowed darkly. He leaned closer to Ian and frowned. "Son, when are you gonna grow up like the rest of us and stop wasting your life on all this pointless bullshit? For God's sake you're even dragging your friends into this and pulling them away from their own bright futures."

"I'm not dragging anyone away from anything! Anthony's here of his own free will and he's helping me put the videos on our website!" Ian clutched the camera firmly and took a step forward.

His father scoffed and rolled his eyes. "Listen to yourself, Ian! There's no future in that! You're just wasting your and your friend's time with that garbage! Make your mom and me proud by doing something with yourself. You already disappointed her by quitting cross country-"

"Dad, I _don't_ wanna hear it!" Ian hissed angrily.

"That's your problem! You never do and that's why you're gonna end up a failure like your broke-ass cousin Pete!"

Ian turned to face him sharply, his blue eyes lit with a scorching flame that Anthony rarely ever witnessed. "I never said I wasn't going to college! I'm going, all right?! Can we just drop this already?! Jesus! And the only reason I quit cross country was because of my asthma, in case you haven't forgotten I have!" He began gathering his props and gestured for Anthony to do the same.

His father still wasn't satisfied with his reply, however and continued his belligerent ambush on him. "And what are ya gonna do afterwards, huh? Keep working at Chuck E Cheese?"

He pulled Anthony by the sleeve and they began rushing toward his room. "I'm gonna be better than anything you've ever amounted to! You'll see!" He screamed before slamming the door.

* * *

Anthony sat on his bed next to a frustrated Ian who ran a hand though his hair and sighed loudly. "Anthony, I am so _so_ sorry you had to see that," Ian muttered. He stood up abruptly and paced his room, only to settle back in the spot he was sitting in moments ago. Anthony would've found the action humorous if not for the tense atmosphere of the situation. He wanted to be supportive so he put his arm around Ian and rubbed his back.

"Don't worry about it, man. I know how your old man gets," Anthony said trying to be helpful.

Ian's mind was swimming in so many thoughts he didn't even realize Anthony was trying to comfort him. He kept thinking about the fight, his mother, college, his job, the video… damn it! The video! He sighed loudly again, a habit that was beginning to become more and more frequent, and only then he realized the warm hand on his back soothingly caressing him into tranquility.

He had actually forgotten Anthony was in the room with him, but now it was very clear his presence was known by how his arm was across his back and the lack of space between their seated bodies as their legs pressed lightly.

Suddenly every problem that plagued him mere moments ago seemed so pointlessly miniscule and he felt warm and charismatic almost instantaneously. Ian purposely found himself pressing his leg a little bit closer to Anthony's and allowing himself to transcend into the moment like entering a warm, palliative hot spring after a mile long trek in the cold frigid air. He didn't mean to hum contently but Anthony was obviously close enough to hear and react. He almost wanted to lull his head into the crook of Anthony's neck and allow the soft dark brown hair to gently overlap his lighter hair.

"See? Feel better now?" Anthony grinned completely aware his tactics of easing him into a calmer state were working.

"Yeah, I-" Suddenly his mind had eradicated everything except Anthony's presence and he felt his cheeks flush hotly.

_Oh, no no no no no. He was getting way too comfortable. This is not good! NOT GOOD AT ALL!_

Ian shot up from the bed, his face turning towards Anthony with a disgustingly shocked look. "What the hell are you doing, dude? Stop being weird," he forced out. He shook his head, the thick bowled-hair bobbing along, and stood facing away toward the window. He didn't turn to see Anthony's panged expression of hurt and surprise which fell down to a bitter frown.

"Alright. Whatever, man. Sorry for trying to make you feel better!"

"You don't have to be all mushy or whatever. It's not like I'm some chick," Ian spat out.

"Ugh. See if I ever try to help you out with your damn problems, then."

Ian heard the bed springs ease up from Anthony's weight and listened to him pick up his backpack. Before Anthony fully walked out though, Ian turned halfway. "We'll finish the video later," he muttered, but his voice cracked at the last syllable and he bit his lip.

"Yeah." Anthony flatly replied as he walked out the door.

Ian watched his friend start his car and drive away through the window and uncrossed his arms which he just noticed he had been doing almost the entire time and sighed again.

This sigh, unlike all the other ones, wasn't out of anger this time.

It was out of regret.

_Ian, you're such an idiot._


End file.
